12W12S11: I Am Weary, Let Me Rest

The last two weeks have not been good for me. I've been physically and emotionally exhausted: my husband is working that crazy shift, I've been busting my butt at work, we're trying to raise a four-year-old without someone getting killed, it's been raining like the end of days, the basement has been flooding, the roof was leaking, etc. It's just been one big disaster after another, my life, and I let being careful and diligent fall by the wayside.

Plus, let's be honest: I've been on a diet for almost a whole year. I am only halfway done. I'm hungry and cranky and I have days when I just don't want to keep track of every single morsel of food that I put in my mouth. I don't want to exercise, even though I've been doing my "dance like you're drunk at a wedding" aerobics plan, which I actually do enjoy. I spent most of last week vegging out in front of the television, trying to catch up on my TiVo and cursing myself for indulging in entire bags of popcorn and big bowls of cereal for a bedtime snack.

Yes: self-sabotage. I know. I know. Nobody is more aware of this than I am. Another setback, after it took me so long to lose that extra half-pound last time. But it's water under the bridge this time.

OK. So now I've gotten that out of my system and I am getting back to business. Dieting isn't easy or else there would be no need to do it, right? But I have a vacation coming up that I need to buy a bathing suit for, and I know that when we leave I will not be anywhere near my goal weight, but I want to be closer to that number than I am to my starting weight, even if it is only two pounds closer. Solider on, and all that.

And if I can stay the course and lose ten more pounds before we leave in a little over six weeks, then I am going to allow myself a total vacation when we are away. No counting, no tracking, no denying. I'll be walking around Disneyland and dancing at a wedding and swimming in the pool, so it's not like I'm going to sit completely still on my butt eating bon-bons for a week.

Also: if I can mose ten more pounds, I might not need Spanx under my dress. Which is as big a bonus as we can expect at this point.